I’ve been so confused about my sexual orientation lately. I keep running to girls than back to boys. Am I lesbian? Or am I bi-sexual? Back when Allison was alive, her and I shared a kiss in the library. It actually meant something to me.. and I guess that’s when I first started to feel attracted to girls. Last year, this new girl named Maya St. Germain moved to Rosewood, Pennsylvania. She lives in Allison’s old house. Her and I started to get close and I guess I started to develop feelings for her. Things didn’t go too well though because I was denying the fact that I liked girls. Our secret got out though. Her and I were at this party, and we took a picture of us kissing. Somehow, “A” got a hold of that photo. She made copies and posted it all over the school. Now the whole school knows I’m lesbian or whatever. Want to know what’s even worse though? My parents found out and that’s technically against our beliefs. My mother sent me to Iowa to live with my aunties and cousins. They thought they could exorcise my so-called gay demons. Isn’t my mother crazy? I think so. Now I’m back in Rosewood and it feels so good to be back home and in my own bed.

Lately, my family has been so understanding though. For Christmas, my cousin had given me a poster of Olympic champion, Amanda Beard in a two-piece. My father gave me a big tin of jasmine tea because he read on the internet that lesbians like me preferred tea over coffee. My older brother and sister bought me the L Word series on DVD. It’s nice to know that my family is making an effort. It’s just kind of awkward, don’t you think? But, it’s making me happy that they can finally accept me.

Mom invited me to go to church with her and it’s pretty surprising because at my church.. lesbians didn’t mix well together. I decided to go with her just to make her happy. As we’re in church, I look at the choir and listen to them sing. All of a sudden, I catch this guy with clear, light blue eyes staring at me. He instantly smiles and I smile back. For some reason, I feel this type of chemistry between us. And it’s weird because I thought I didn’t like boys. When our eyes met, my heart stopped. I started to get butterflies. You know.. that usual girl thing.

After the choir was done singing, that guy came up to me and introduced himself. His name was Isaac. He starts to come at me with all these questions. “What is this? 21 questions?” I thought to myself. He ends up asking me on a date and for some reason I couldn’t resist. Of course I said yes.

Now, I’m really confused. I was in love with a girl last year, am I now falling for a boy? A boy that I barely know? I mean, he is boyfriend material. I guess I really am bisexual. Or maybe I’m just going through one of those phases. Hmm.. who knows. I’m excited for this date though.

xoxo, Emily Fields

It’s been such a stressful semester for me. I think I have too much on my plate right now. Such as essays for my AP classes and projects as well. Lately, my teachers have been giving me so much work. Majority of them are disappointed in me though. Last year, I was nominated for a Golden Orchid Essay award. But in the very last round, I blurted out the truth. I stole my essay from my older sister, Melissa. That’s why my teachers are so disappointed in me. 

As I’m working on my essay, I get a call from the principal’s office. My eyes widen and my heart literally just stopped. I get up and grab my things. As I make my way to the principal’s office, all of these thoughts start coming at me. I don’t even know what I did wrong. As I enter the principal’s office, I see my parents sitting there and sobbing. They give me the bad news and tell me that my grandma died this morning. I’m in shock because I seen my grandma just a couple of months ago. Great.. I already had to deal with Allison’s death, now I have to deal with my grandma’s death too? Mom and Dad tell me they have grandma’s will. In her will, she mentions everyone’s name but mines and I’m kind of confused. How can she mention my sister’s name, but not mines? I mean, we both are her grandchildren. My parents won’t give me an explanation for this, so I wait until I get home to ask my sister.

Me: “Um, Melissa? Nana didn’t mention me in her will and she left two million dollars for everyone.. but me. What’s going on?”

Melissa: “I think it’s time for you to know. Spencer, you’re adopted.” 

My eyes widened. I don’t blink for a good minute. I’m literally in shock. Hearing those words hurt. I start to feel this feeling of discomfort in my chest. I guess my whole life was just a lie then..

xoxo, Spencer Hastings 

Winter break is almost over. It’s been a year since my ex-boyfriend and I broke up. Last year, I had a thing with my English teacher. But he ended up getting locked up due to our relationship. Our little secret got out thanks to “A”. Since then, we haven’t talked. Lately it’s just been my mother, younger brother, and I. Mom and dad decided to go their separate ways because of an incident that happened awhile back. I witnessed my dad kissing some other female in the back of a car. Remember Allison? Well she was there with me when it happened. She told me not to tell my mother because it’ll ruin everything.. so I didn’t. I kept that secret from her for a year. But then, that secret got out. “A” sent my mother a letter saying that my dad was cheating on her with another woman named Meredith. Our family just fell apart after that. You know that saying, “What they don’t know, won’t hurt them”? I didn’t tell my mother because I knew it would hurt her. But, I guess me not being honest with her hurt her even more. My dad even went back to Meredith. Mainly because she was pregnant. Since then, things just haven’t been the same..

Here I am laying down in my room. I’m surrounded by four white walls. I have so much on my mind, so much to say.. but my lips are sealed. The voice in my head is talking. There is never a day where I don’t think about what has happened. I still can’t believe all this happened because of “A”. But then again, we shouldn’t have been keeping secrets in the first place. Sigh. On the bright side, my mother is going to start dating again. As a matter of fact, she has a hot date tonight. She really deserves to be happy. Hmm.. now it’s my turn to be happy and let go of the past.

xoxo, Aria Montgomery

I miss my mom. I hate being here with my father, his fiancée, and my step sister. I just don’t feel welcomed here. I remember like it was yesterday though. My parents were happily married.. now they’ve gone their separate ways. As I’m sitting at the dining table, I’m getting flashbacks. I get these flashbacks all the time. I think about the death of my two best friends. My first best friend, Allison Dilaurentis died last year. We had this clique. It was me, Aria Montgomery, Emily Fields, Spencer Hastings, and of course Allison. When she died last year, we kind of went our separate ways. But something brought us all back together. I wouldn’t say fate brought us together, but it feels like it. What really brought us together though? Our past started to come back and haunt us. Aria, Emily, Spencer and I would get these texts from someone named “A”. These texts would include our secrets… and the funny thing is, neither of us shared our secrets with each other. The only person we would tell was Allison, but she is dead. So who was “A”? Well, this is where my second best friend comes in. Her name was Mona Vanderwaal. Her and I were the best of friends. We did everything together, mainly shopping though. But, I started to get close to Aria, Emily, and Spencer again. I guess she started to get jealous. So, Mona found Allison’s old journal that was filled with our secrets. She bought another cell and pretended to be “A”. She did this to get back at all of us. I still can’t believe she would do something like that. She died by getting hit by a car. So, I haven’t been struggling with the death of one best friend, but two. For 10 minutes, I’ve been staring into nothing and just thinking. My step sister is talking to me, but I’m not paying attention. Everything she is saying is going through one ear and out the other.

Hanna: “Hanna! Hanna! Are you listening?” 
I start to hear here voice and I come back to reality.

Me: “Oh sorry, I have too much on my mind right now.”

Until this day, I still think about it. Even therapy can’t help me. I feel like all of my sessions with my therapist aren’t helping…

 xoxo, Hanna Marin